I had a fabulous discussion about friendships the other day. We talked about our expectations of others, about boundaries, and about how and why relationships work (or don’t).
 
It’s a fascinating topic and since relationships are central to my stories, one in which I have a deep interest.
 
What draws us to one person over another? Why do some relationships flourish and some flounder no matter how hard you try? And why do we often cling to relationships that we know are unhealthy, even toxic, to us?
 
I am a self-confessed introvert. Making friends is always a challenge for me, and I find myself drawn to friendships that are more about connection and less about letting loose. I often have a ‘light bulb’ moment where I simply know that this person is part of my clan.
 
The moment can take me by surprise. My longest friendship (more than thirty years!) was forged during our freshman year at Penn State. On the surface, we probably looked like a mismatch. Ali dressed like a rocker chick and had the biggest hair on the planet; I had a pixie cut and no style at all. But at some point during orientation, we just clicked. We discovered that we both loved hot tea and Bryan Adams, and we complemented each other. I went home a month later with longer, highlighted hair, and an extra piercing in my ear. When she came down with mononucleosis at the end of the semester, I kept her company. I still fall into a fit of the giggles when I think about her breaking the thermometer on her ring, and the two of us chasing balls of mercury around the room.
 
Thirty years later, we are still friends. We don’t talk often enough, but it never seems to matter. When we do get together, we naturally pick up right where we left off, without missing a beat. Love you, Ali!
 
Connection sometimes finds you in other ways, too. When I started writing, I connected with a lovely community of women online. It was a lively, funny, uplifting community and I’m sad that most of those relationships have drifted away. I miss the long hours we spent chatting via instant message all those years ago.
 
Two of them have endured, in spite of distance (one of them is literally halfway around the world), in spite of months between emails, in spite of never having met face-to-face. When we chat, we cover everything from our personal lives, to American politics, to the latest silly animal video (often in one conversation). It doesn’t matter that we’re in different time zones or on different continents. These friendships are lovely and deep.
 
Next month, the three of us will finally be together, our first in-person meeting since meeting online sixteen years ago. As much as I try to imagine the emotion of that moment, I know that I am dramatically underestimating its power. Sandra and Nicole, this is going to be epic!
 
I love realizing that I’ve connected with someone new, or reconnected with someone. There’s something magical about recognizing a kindred soul and claiming them as part of my circle. It’s broadened a little recently, and I love that!
 
Connecting with others, whether as friends, romantic partners, mentor, or family, helps us see the world from a different perspective. It helps us understand and appreciate that we don’t all have to be the same to respect and love one another.
 
And in this crazy, messed up world, couldn’t we all use more of that? More friendship? More understanding? More love?
 
Look for those moments of connection and nurture them. Maybe then we’ll be able to build bridges instead of walls.

     There’s nothing quite like a good stretch, is there?
     Picture it. You’ve finished up your workout, and you head to the mats to stretch out your overworked muscles. The first few seconds are less-than-pleasant (okay, they hurt like hell!), but as you lean into it, you begin to feel the muscles lengthen and the tightness ease. A good stretch usually means less soreness the next day and, in my opinion, is as important as the workout itself.
     But stretching doesn’t need to be relegated to the gym. It’s important to push past that discomfort in life, to persevere until we move beyond the ‘I can’t’ moment to the ‘I did’ moment.
     It’s not always easy, of course. We often walk out of the gym without taking that five or ten minutes needed to stretch it out, even though we’ll regret it in the morning.
     Stretching out of our comfort zone can be an enormous challenge. We feel safe with what we know, what we’re good at, but if we don’t push past the point of comfort, we may never find out our other capabilities.
As I’ve mentioned before, my first stories were fan fiction. I wrote them for myself and, eventually, for the friends I’d made within that fandom. I had a fabulous time with it, but I reached a point where I needed to try something new.
     That something became Lizzie’s Surprise (and the seven other stories in the series). At the time, fan fiction was my comfort zone. Pushing myself out of it was meant overcoming that initial fear, leaning into it just like that tight muscle. Sharing the characters and world that had previously only existed in my head took me to that moment of pain and, then, beyond it. Turn ‘I can’t’ into ‘I did’.
     As a writer, I’m always looking for ways to stretch and to grow. I recently entered a Flash Fiction contest, not with a hope of winning, but to stretch beyond my romance novel comfort zone. It was so much fun! In forty-eight hours, I wrote a one-thousand-word short story in a genre that I am not familiar with and don’t generally read. Only time and the judges will tell me if the story has merit, but the exercise was priceless.
     I believe that it’s vital that when we reach those moments where something feels a little scary, where our brain tells us to slink back to our comfort zone, that instead, we lean into it. Feel the stretch because it means we’re learning and growing, and the next time we’ll go a little farther, just because we can.

It’s not unusual to finish a book and think ‘I could do that’ or even ‘I could write this better’. I suspect that many people fantasize about writing a novel or a screenplay at some point in their life. So, how do you know if it’s simply a passing fancy or if it’s your true calling?
I didn’t begin writing until I was in my thirties, but looking back at my life, there were clues and lots of them! This list is based on my experiences; it’s far from complete. If any of these feel familiar, you might be a writer.

1.    When you were little, you could play alone for hours without being bored. When I was a child, I felt like everything I touched had a story to tell. I invented lives for Barbie and her friends, decided what kind of career she had that week, and if she would marry Ken or G.I. Joe or no one. (FYI, she usually chose Joe!) And, since I only had brothers, I was just as likely to spend hours setting up a town for Matchbox Cars as I was to play with dolls. What mattered was allowing the story to happen through the toy.
2.    You read. A lot. And probably in multiple genres. Although I write romance, and that is my favorite genre to read, I will read almost anything. Among my non-romance favorites are the Harry Potter books, Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson, and the Sneaky Pie Brown series. You prefer ‘real’ books to e-books, and you would rather own them than borrow them. And don’t get me started on the trauma of saying goodbye to the books on your shelves!
3.    You were the kid in school who spent a lot of time staring out the window. I was forever being told that I daydreamed too much. You also may have vivid dreams that you remember.
4.    You love discovering new words. When you read or hear one, you have to look it up as soon as possible and, in addition to the meaning, you want to know the origin of the word. You’re probably the type of person who loves collecting little factoids. I’ll confess that when I was a child, I read the dictionary, the encyclopedia, and the World Almanac. 
5.    Social media shortcuts for words make you cringe, and your text messages are always grammatically correct. You simply can’t understand how someone could not love and respect words!
6.    You have a stack of notebooks (or flash drives) filled with story ideas, parts of stories, or maybe even complete novels, but you are very careful about sharing them. When you do let someone read them, you hold your breath (for days sometimes!) waiting to hear what they think.
7.    You alternate between thinking that your story is brilliant and thinking that it’s complete crap. Writers are generally hypercritical and never really feel like what they’ve written is any good. If you think you’re a bad writer, chances are, you’re actually a good writer.
8.    You have imaginary friends, and you aren’t a child. I have so many characters in my head that I don’t have an actual count. I’ve instituted a take-a-number system in my brain, though they rarely listen.
9.    You don’t write to an audience or to satisfy the latest craze. Your stories are the ones that you want to read, and you don’t care if they become bestsellers or languish on the shelf. What you crave is to get your stories into the hands of the readers who will connect with them. 
10.    When you have a stressful day, your best therapy is to let yourself exist in a world of your creation. Writing and journaling are how you explore your feelings and how you put yourself into someone else’s skin.
11.    You lose all track of time when the words are flowing, and your characters are speaking to you. For me, it’s like watching a movie in my head and taking dictation. 
12.    When you receive negative criticism or a bad review, you just keep writing. Yes, it hurts, because you’ve left your heart, soul, blood, sweat, and tears on the page, but you learn what you need to learn (if anything) and let it go. The best medicine is to write, and then write some more. 
13.    You can’t even fathom the idea of not writing. It’s an essential part of who you are at heart. 
14.    You think about writing when you’re supposed to be doing other things (like that pesky real world job)! I’ve been guilty of writing in between phone calls at work, or of staring out the window while one of my stories played like a video in my head.
15.    When you are out, you spend most of your time watching people and trying to figure out their stories, or you create one for them. 
16.    You’re probably a good listener. You’re curious about people and love to know what motivates them, so you love to have them tell you their stories. And yes, you probably file most of that away for future reference. 
17.    While you may enjoy certain aspects of the writing and publishing process more than others, you love them all (even the ones that make you nuts). Proofreading is tedious, but I almost always discover something new about my story when I do it. Editing can be painful, but taking that raw first draft and molding it can be amazing. 
18.    You love to talk to, encourage, nurture, and guide other writers. It’s fascinating to learn how wonderfully varied the craft of writing is. 
19.    You don’t always play by the rules because it’s your story and you need to tell it in your way. Besides, there are about a billion rules for writing and they contradict each other, so you do what works for you.
20.    You are willing to take risks to share your story. For me, one of the risks was quitting my job after twenty years and taking some time to focus on writing. Another was taking the steps to put my book baby out there in the world. I’m still in the early stages of this journey, and yes, I’ve made a few mistakes, but I wouldn’t change a thing. 

Still not sure? Why not find a list of writing prompts and play around. You might just surprise yourself.

I thought it would be fun to share something completely different with you. It's been a while, but I used to dabble in poetry. One of my favorite forms of poetry is the sonnet. It's a challenge to choose the perfect words to fit into the strictures of the form, but when they do, it can be breathtaking! I thought it would be fun to share one that I wrote many years ago. It is A Sonnet to Music:  

My fearful heart a ragged drum does beat
Yet sweetest music beckons, so I try;
And so I find my way with wooden feet
My place I take and deeply do I sigh.
The music plays, my eyes I close
As melody 'round my soul entwines;
It weaves its spell, my fears I do compose:
I am transported to a world sublime!
Her heavenly sunshine warms my face,
Her gentle breeze my soul revives,
And wrapped within her sweet embrace
My spirit soars, and thus my song does rise:
     And for a fleeting moment I may touch the sun
     And I am blest for She and I are one!





 

     I’ve been struggling with this blog post for the last week.
     At first, I was simply overwhelmed by the emotional tsunami of having my story published. Strangers can now read a story that was carefully guarded for years, shared only with trusted friends. Putting it out there feels right, but it’s still nerve-wracking; I think I’ll just see it as having a much broader circle of friends to enjoy my stories.
     The second time I sat down to write, I was feeling a little low. I spent the last four months laser-focused on publishing Lizzie’s Surprise. About a week after publication, I started to feel lost. My head understands that it will take time for my story to find it’s audience, but my heart felt a little wounded that sales were slow and that I wasn’t connecting with my readers.
     And then tragedy struck Orlando. Lives ended, families ripped apart, because of hate. It makes me sad. It makes me angry. I’ve never understood why people are threatened by who other people love.
     As Hamilton creator Lin-Manuel Miranda said so eloquently, “and love is love is love is love is love is love is love is love cannot be killed or swept aside.” Love doesn’t care about race. It doesn’t care what you look like, how fit you are, what limitations you may have. And it certainly doesn’t care if you are gay or straight or trans or bi.
     I write stories about love and, while romantic love is the central theme, it’s not the only form of love represented. Love of friends, love of family, love of community – all are vital to my characters. Some of them love easily, others are more guarded, but in the end they all choose love.
      Choose love. Choose to look beyond the neat little boxes that society tries to push us into and to look instead into the person’s eyes. Choose to accept and appreciate the differences which make us unique; we don’t need to be the same, to believe the same things, to be valuable and beautiful and loved.
     Choose love. Always. 

     Endings are tough. Oh, I love tying the story up in a neat-and-pretty bow (complete with happily-ever-after). What I struggle with is saying goodbye. When my characters work out all of their issues and head off into the proverbial sunset, I hate the idea of never hearing from them again.
     Lucky for me that hasn’t happened. As I was writing Lizzie’s Surprise, other characters from her world begged me to tell their stories and, since Lizzie had become a dear friend by this time, I was thrilled to do it. 
     Lizzie is the keystone of her group of childhood friends, and she takes her role as mother hen very seriously. As the people she loves search for their own happy endings, she’s ever-present with a cup of tea, a shoulder to cry on, and some sage advice. Trust me, most of them need the guidance.
     Like Lizzie, her friends find themselves at crossroads in their lives, facing challenging choices. Can a lost love be reclaimed? Is it possible to let go of old wounds and take a chance on love? What are you willing to sacrifice to be with the person you love? These are only a few of the many questions my characters face as they take their chance on love. 
     Lizzie’s Surprise releases tomorrow, an ending in some ways, a beginning in others. Is it time for me to step away from this story? Absolutely. I could (and have) continue to tweak it forever. As I let it go, I do so knowing that I get to start all over again next week with just as much passion, but with experience and knowledge that will make the process much simpler.
     My first novel is ready to share. Read it. Enjoy it. Tell your friends.
     And then come back for more. 

     I think I’ve mentioned that I’m a huge Disney nerd. I’ve been to Walt Disney World more times than I can remember, or probably should admit to. Disney animation has always held a special place in my heart, from the groundbreaking classic Snow White to the recent blockbuster Frozen, but my favorite is Tangled.
     It’s a beautiful story in many ways, from the oh-so-handsome thief, Flynn Ryder, to by-the-book royal steed, Maximus, to sheltered-but-kick-butt Rapunzel. But one of the things I love most is that it’s all about following your dream. 
     As we learn at the Snuggly Duckling, dreams come in all shapes and sizes. Rapunzel’s dream is to see the lights that appear every year on her birthday. But as she sits in the boat, waiting for the lanterns to appear, she admits to Flynn that she is terrified, wondering ‘what if it’s not everything I dreamed it would be?’
     I can relate. I have dreamed of seeing my book in print for a very long time now. And as I sit here, on the cusp of realizing that dream, I am overwhelmed by emotion. I’m excited and overjoyed; I can’t wait for everyone to get to know Lizzie and Colin. I’m proud of myself for taking the steps that I needed to take to get her ready to go. I’m nervous, too, because I want my book baby’s first steps in the world to be well-received. And, yes, a part of me is terrified. My stories contain my heart and soul, and opening that up to the world-at-large is a lot to process.  
     What if it’s not everything I dreamed it would be? 
     Honestly? It has already become more than I dreamed. The process of preparing my story has been a tremendous growth experience for me, and I am not the same person I was when I undertook this journey. I have grown and changed; so has my dream.
     What I want now is to know that my story touched you. I want to make you laugh, I want to make you swoon, I want to make you cry. And most of all, I want to make you cheer for Lizzie and Colin. 
     And what if it is everything I dreamed it would be?
     Lucky for me, I don’t have to find a new dream. All I need to do is share the next story and the next. That’s a dream that makes me grin!
     Head on over to Amazon.com on Sunday and order it for Kindle or in paperback (or both!). Read! Enjoy! Tell a friend!
     And remember that dreams really can come true. Not with magic and pixie dust, but with encouragement, commitment, and hard work!

​     Reading has always been one of my favorite ways to relax. Jumping into a story transports me to times past or to exotic, far-flung locales. But the best stories make me fall in love with the characters. They become dear friends, people who I want to know better. So I began thinking about the characters I love the most and wondering what it would be like to have them over for dinner.
     The question is whom do I invite?
     It’s a tough decision. There have been so many characters who have had an impact on my life and my writing. But in the interest of deep conversation and good old-fashioned fun, I’m limiting my guest list to the seven literary women I’d most love to meet (other than my own).
 
1.    Miss Elizabeth Bennet – I doubt this will surprise anyone who knows me. My Lizzie was named for her, after all. Elizabeth is bright, witty, and she speaks her mind, so she will keep the conversation flowing.
2.    Hermione Granger – I adore all things Harry Potter and I’ve always related to everyone’s favorite know-it-all, Hermione. I’d love to get the inside scoop on life at Hogwarts with Harry and Ron. And who wouldn’t love to experience a little magic?
3.    Bridget Jones – Bridget was another character that helped inspire my Lizzie. She’s always a bit of a mess, but Bridget knows how to have fun. She can bring the blue soup.
4.    Margaret Mary O’Neill – Maggie is the heroine of a series by Madelyn Alt. She’s quirky, fun, and a fledgling witch. Also, because this series hasn’t been finished, I’d love to pump her for the ending. (I highly recommend the series, even though it’s left me hanging.)
5.    Miss Emma Woodhouse – Emma loves to meddle so she would be a fun addition to any party.
6.    Nora Gavin – Nora is an American pathologist in a mystery series by Erin Hart. She’s incredibly smart and complicated, and while her career path may not make for the most appropriate dinner conversation, it would be fascinating.
7.    Professor Minerva McGonagall – I had to include my favorite professor! McGonagall is tough and stern, but she cares deeply for her students and her school, and she can kick major butt. Perhaps she’ll bring her biscuits.
 
     And now I’m wondering about the men …
     Now that would be a fun party, so stay tuned!

​Since Colin’s thirteen-year-old daughter is an important part of Lizzie’s Surprise, I thought it would be fun to chat with her. I was a little worried about getting her into trouble at school, but she assured me it wouldn’t be a problem so …

Lily:  Good evening, Victoria.

Tori:  Tori, please. It’s lovely to meet you.

Lily:  You too. And you’re sure I’m not getting you into trouble for talking on the phone after hours?

Tori:  Well, (giggles), I’m currently sat on the floor of my wardrobe and my roommate is at chess club, so she’ll likely be gone for hours … it’s perfectly fine.

Lily:  Alrighty then, let’s get started. Tell me about a time you got in trouble with your parents.

Tori:  Parent. It’s just Dad and me. So, when I was nine, Dad and I were at our London flat and, as usual, he was buried in paperwork. I’d been begging him for days to take me to the midnight release of the latest Harry Potter book, but I reckon he forgot so … um … 

Lily:  C’mon, Tori. It can’t be that bad.

Tori:  Righto. He forgot about it and was out to dinner with Auntie Nora, so I took the tube to the release party that I wanted to go to and … it was glorious, at least until Dad got home and realized I was missing. He was … honestly, I’ve never seen him that angry. He arrived at the bookstore just after midnight and dragged me home without saying a word, and he confiscated my book for an entire week. Oh, and instead of traveling to Singapore and Tokyo with him, I was sent back to Snowhill and forced to spend two hours a day reading to my great grandmamma, Lady Frances. I suppose I deserved it, but it was worth it!

Lily:  As a fellow Harry Potter fan, I’d have to agree with you! What do you do to have fun?

Tori:  Horseback riding, football (you Yanks call it Soccer), and ballet. 

Lily:  What’s the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done at school?

Tori:  A few harmless pranks here and there, but this interview will likely top the list.

Lily:  Way to make me feel guilty. 

Tori:  Sorry! It will only top the list if I’m caught. 

Lily:  Let’s make sure that doesn’t happen, then! If you were an animal, what would you be and why?

Tori:  Easy. I’d be a horse. There’s nothing like a good gallop!

Lily:  What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?

Tori:  Haggis. Ugh. Good I’m not a Scot.

Lily:  What flavor of ice cream would you be and why?

Tori:  Chocolate because it’s sweet and decadent and always makes you feel better.

Lily:  A young woman of excellent taste. What about your favorite cartoon character?

Tori:  Minnie Mouse as we share a passion for fashion.

Lily:  Good choice. Hmm. What about your favorite candy bar?

Tori:  Cadbury Crunchie. And now you’ve made me hungry.

Lily:  Sorry. I’ll send you a carton. If you were to change your name, what would you change it to and why?

Tori:  I wouldn’t. I’m rather fond of my name. Victoria Helena Blake. Rather elegant and classic.

Lily:  Does your name have any special meaning? Were you named for anyone?

Tori:  Dad chose Victoria because he wanted me to be strong and brave. Helena is for my grandmother, Helen. 

Lily:  Do you have a pet? 

Tori:  It’s never been practical to have a dog or a cat of my own, but I do have a horse called Daisy at Snowhill. I’d adore a small menagerie of my own. 

Lily:  What about siblings? Any brothers or sisters?

Tori:  That would be impossible as my parents’ divorced before I was a year old. I’ve heaps of cousins, but a brother or sister would be lovely. 

Lily:  One last question and then I’ll let you go. Who is your hero?

Tori:  That’s an easy one. My Dad. He’s the best. I just wish …

Lily:  What do you wish Tori?

Tori:  I reckon he’s a bit lonely, though he’d never admit it. My wish is that he finds someone to love, someone to love him back.

Lily:  Ah. True love! Now that’s a wish worth making! I guess we’ll have to close our eyes and toss our coins …

Tori:  And cross everything. Now I must go before they come back round for bed check. 

Lily:  Good plan! Getting you tossed out of boarding school is not on my to-do list. Thanks for talking to me, Tori. 

Tori:  My pleasure. Cheers!